CATBOY CAUGHT RED-PAWED WITH HAND STUCK IN CERAMIC HEN COOKIE JAR

Folklore has warned us for generations about getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Nobody expected it to be literal, and nobody expected the hand to belong to a cryptid. Yet at 1:58 AM on Tuesday, the Hollis family of Northport stepped into their kitchen to find Catboy lit only by the open refrigerator, his arm buried to the wrist in Henrietta, the family's beloved ceramic hen. According to the nanny-cam footage, the problem was never the jar. The problem was the cookie. Catboy had a firm grip on an oatmeal raisin and would not release it, making his fist too wide to exit the hen's neck. For eleven minutes he simply stood there, ears flat, tail swishing, negotiating with physics. Darlene Hollis, still in her bathrobe, described the standoff. "He looked at me like I was the one who'd broken in. I said, honey, just let go of the cookie, and he looked so betrayed. So I buttered the rim with margarine and out he slid, cookie and all." Catboy reportedly bowed, cookie in hand, and left through the doggie door. Dr. Patricia Meowton rated the incident a 9.1/10 on the Weird-o-Meter, deducting points only because the jar survived without a chip. Henrietta has since been moved to a higher shelf. Count your cookies, lock your pantry, and learn to let go of what's holding you back.